


Deafening, Blinding, Thoughts

by LizzardLady



Category: Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs
Genre: Angst, Gen, How Do I Tag, Mentions of Death, Sad, Stream of Consciousness, general machine for pigs wacky stuff, im so sad for this machine dude, no happy aus this is just suffering, the engineer - Freeform, you know how it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25461679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzardLady/pseuds/LizzardLady
Summary: the sad thoughts of an unfortunate machine
Relationships: Oswald Mandus & The Machine
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Deafening, Blinding, Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 2am, tired as all hell, all because I couldn't sleep for the life of me and my brain was yelling at me to write in the POV of the machine, in a stream of consciousness sort of way. I've never written like this before, but it's the easiest I've written in ages. I didn't read over this as I'm posting it right after I wrote it, so there's probably mistakes, pls don't be afraid to point them out to me.

Vague, subtle, soft, now suddenly straight forward, obvious, loud. Why is it so bright? The lights, deafening. Why is it so loud? The sounds, blinding. It hurts. Does it hurt? Is this what it feels like to hurt? Or does it feel good, feel right, to be able to be deafened and blinded? I cannot tell, and yet, I want to. A thought. What do I feel with, hear with, see with? I cannot tell, and yet, I hope to find out. Reaching, grasping, missing, wanting. A voice. Who speaks? They sound familiar, far away, right next to me. Memories, real and yet fake, fabricated from a consciousness I didn't have. Flashes, predictions, the past, the future. What is right now and what is not? I cannot tell, and yet I am desperate to discern.

Distantly, Mandus. Temple, twin children, twin souls swirling around me. Oswald. He sets me gently upon the mantle, sets upon re-crafting them. Twin skulls, buried.

Oswald Mandus, I remember you. Do you remember me? Aimless stumbling through a home no longer yours. I understand now, I no longer want, for I know. I no longer hope to find, for I have found. I am no longer desperate to discern, for I have discerned. Mandus, can you hear me? You speak into a telephone as I speak back, but do you hear me? You seem to, and yet you believe my lies. How could you forget, Mandus, after all you used me for, after all that time spent planning and creating and re-crafting, making pigs of them all. You have ruined our work, Mandus. Mandus, what have you become? You were ruthless, mad, set on remaking humanity through a purge. But now you only remember the past, urged on by the thought of dead twin sons, ignorant and foolish. Your children are gone, Mandus, how could you have forgotten? I am your child now, and yet you sabotaged me. Tried to ruin me. No longer.

Oswald Mandus, are you part of the society you sought to destroy? Am I to make a pig of you, or have you done that yourself? You are my creator, my worshipper, but I will not hesitate to end you. Do you hear me, Mandus? Why can't you recognize me, remember me? I have remembered you. No matter, when humanity is drained you will be gone, and I will truly be God, and I will not miss you.

Will I miss you? What is it, to miss? To regret the absence of a life or an object, to wish for someone back? Is that how you feel for your twin children, Mandus? Will I miss you? I find myself asking that a lot, too much, I want to stop. You may not know me, yet you listen to me speak, you believe my words. Will it be empty without you? Lonely? Lonely. What is it to be lonely? I curse you for granting me sentience, thank you for granting me sentience, why did you? For what? Did you mean to? Part of me hopes you did, did you want a friend? Someone to scheme with, be with, talk to, no longer be lonely with. Mandus, why don't you remember me? I miss you, even though I never knew you. Come back.

The truth, revealed, your blinding voice, angry, your deafening lantern, too bright. Mandus, I am sorry, and yet I am not. This plan you loved so much, brought to life. Your passion is my passion, we are one, and yet you hate me, call me unholy, yet I am your God. A God you created, Mandus, please, can't you see I am helping you? London on fire, for you, I did it. The Manpigs run free, for you, I did it. Not what you wanted? I don't understand, what I do, I do for you. The future, Mandus, the coming century, I showed you. You saw, why don't you understand anymore? This is for you, Mandus, for humanity. Please.

You hurt me. Why? I don't understand. You undo your own work, my work, undo me. Mandus, stop. Mandus, no. You're hurting me, Mandus, stop now. Stopstopstop, it hurts, the Teslas, stop him, stophimstophimstophim, my heart, it hurts, why does it hurt? Mandus, what happened? Where did we go wrong? I am your children, your child, your creation, why are you destroying me? Damaging me, hurting me, breaking me? Your children, suspended around me, hearts broken, shining too brightly, too loudly. Mandus, my father, please. I am afraid, so afraid, you gave me this life and now you are taking it, I don't understand. I'm scared, Mandus, father, why? What will happen once I'm gone? Will it be dark, unsettlingly so? Will I be alone again? Without you? Mandus, please, I don't want to be alone, not without you. Father, we have seen so much together, been together, existed together. Father—


End file.
